Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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