Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
