Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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