I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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