my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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