plz talk dirty to me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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