Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
