why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
