oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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