Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
