Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
