dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
