I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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