a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This is my gift to your gina
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
