Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
