no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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