Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
