i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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