please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize