it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my phone needs a breathalizer
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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