God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
