u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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