You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
