Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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