she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
