I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
