party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I am morally bankrupt
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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