Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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