i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
