Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
