I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
