i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
