covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
