please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
