i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize