He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
