So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
