that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
