i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
