OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
