There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's no shave November. This is our time.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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