youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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