so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
