U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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