I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
