Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
