Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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