were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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