I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
