im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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