Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
