I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
