So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize