Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
