lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just tell him i said nine months
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
