after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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