I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
