I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
