hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
