yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize