hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
