Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
