so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
