Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
