Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
