I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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