it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
