Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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