Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
