When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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