His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
