I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
