I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
