RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize