Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
