She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
