I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
