she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he was CRYING into my vagina
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize