This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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