Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
