I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
