that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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