oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Acid is not a monday night drug
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
