You really coming over, don't trick.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize