This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
