You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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