I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
