Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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