remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
