were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
