im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We got so high we made milksteak
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize