Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
