i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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