Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you didnt know i had herpes?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
