Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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