My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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