if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
