i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
