you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
