I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
