Just mADE A PArabola og urine
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
